My Franciscan Journey: Re-Beginning
A few years ago I connected with the Order of Lutheran Franciscans and became a Postulant, which means that I began taking steps towards becoming part of their religious order.
When people learned about what I was leaning into they had questions:
Why. That was a question I couldn't really answer. It drove deep into my heart and I knew that it deserved more than a stale response. Moreso, it made me wonder about why do I do anything that I do? Where do most of my choices and decisions come from? Are they born from general interest? Convenience? Are my choices ego-based or desire based? Or do I respond out of fear? (Fear of being irrelevant or forgotten.) Why belong to anything at all?
I wound up withdrawing my postulancy and withdrawing my church membership. Until I could, in all honesty, answer the reason why I wanted to spend my time, energy and financial resources with any organization, I was going to remain detached.
A few years went by. I focused on my Yoga teaching and my family. I returned to the Mount Madonna Institute to deepen my Yoga training... but remained dettached from any sort of religious organization. I didn't want to draw lines/separate myself from others. I followed my own spiritual path determined to remain title-free. But something started to feel not quite right..... a sense of longing for something.
I needed to replenish my deep layers. I needed quiet, sacred places to sit, to pray, to ask forgiveness. I needed others to pool resources with so I could go out into the world and be useful. I needed authentic community. I needed a connection to something greater than myself, connection to something I didn't and couldn't fully understand... connection to God.
I had found my answer to the question, "why".
But where could I (should I) find this connection to something I didn't and couldn't fully understand? This is the question I am currently exploring. The where needs to dovetail with the why.
Recently I visited a small Lutheran church I had been following on social media for the past couple of years and I re-reached out to the Order of Franciscan Lutherans to re-begin my postulancy (questioning). Lutheranism (especially Franciscan Lutheranism) is a humble and meek path. It is a path that cherishes and respects nature, a path that serves the forgotten and neglected, a path that reduces the ego. In short, it is a path that helps you to authentically surrender to God in a beautiful, joy-filled way. It's something I have been repeatedly drawn to throughout my life.
Why are you doing this? For social status? To people please? For control or financial gain? Why are you doing this?
.....this is a great question. Something we should all sit with.
When people learned about what I was leaning into they had questions:
Lutherans have religious orders? (Yes. Yes, we do.)
What's a Lutheran? (Lutheranism is like Catholicism, but plain.)
But you're married (Yes.)
Why are you doing this? ....
Why. That was a question I couldn't really answer. It drove deep into my heart and I knew that it deserved more than a stale response. Moreso, it made me wonder about why do I do anything that I do? Where do most of my choices and decisions come from? Are they born from general interest? Convenience? Are my choices ego-based or desire based? Or do I respond out of fear? (Fear of being irrelevant or forgotten.) Why belong to anything at all?
I wound up withdrawing my postulancy and withdrawing my church membership. Until I could, in all honesty, answer the reason why I wanted to spend my time, energy and financial resources with any organization, I was going to remain detached.
A few years went by. I focused on my Yoga teaching and my family. I returned to the Mount Madonna Institute to deepen my Yoga training... but remained dettached from any sort of religious organization. I didn't want to draw lines/separate myself from others. I followed my own spiritual path determined to remain title-free. But something started to feel not quite right..... a sense of longing for something.
I needed to replenish my deep layers. I needed quiet, sacred places to sit, to pray, to ask forgiveness. I needed others to pool resources with so I could go out into the world and be useful. I needed authentic community. I needed a connection to something greater than myself, connection to something I didn't and couldn't fully understand... connection to God.
I had found my answer to the question, "why".
I needed connection.
I needed to belong.
But where could I (should I) find this connection to something I didn't and couldn't fully understand? This is the question I am currently exploring. The where needs to dovetail with the why.
Recently I visited a small Lutheran church I had been following on social media for the past couple of years and I re-reached out to the Order of Franciscan Lutherans to re-begin my postulancy (questioning). Lutheranism (especially Franciscan Lutheranism) is a humble and meek path. It is a path that cherishes and respects nature, a path that serves the forgotten and neglected, a path that reduces the ego. In short, it is a path that helps you to authentically surrender to God in a beautiful, joy-filled way. It's something I have been repeatedly drawn to throughout my life.
Why are you doing this? For social status? To people please? For control or financial gain? Why are you doing this?
.....this is a great question. Something we should all sit with.
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