Matters of Grace

A few years ago I connected with the Order of Lutheran Franciscans and became a Postulant, which means that I began taking steps towards becoming part of their religious order. When people learned about what I was leaning into they had questions: Lutherans have religious orders? (Yes. Yes, we do.) What's a Lutheran? (Lutheranism is like Catholicism, but plain.) But you're married (Yes.)             Why are you doing this? .... Why. That was a question I couldn't really answer. It drove deep into my heart and I knew that it deserved more than a stale response. Moreso, it made me wonder about why do I do anything that I do? Where do most of my choices and decisions come from? Are they born from general interest? Convenience? Are my choices ego-based or desire based? Or do I respond out of fear? (Fear of being irrelevant or forgotten.) Why belong to anything at all? I wound up withdrawing my postulancy and wi...

Gurdjieff was a 20th-century philos opher. He wrote that Being, Grace and Mercy are the three great forces....which drive the engine of the universe.  He also suggested that most people are not in tune with being, grace, and mercy as most people sleep-walk their way through life. So, to help people learn how to pay attention and wake up, he created a method and produced many writings. It is said that, among his various teachings and writings, Gurdjieff produced this list of 82 rules for life. Though 82 might seem like an odd number (and it might seem like a rather large number), reading through them, they seem pretty reasonable (except for rule 16). America needs to learn how to apply rule 17. Rules 1 and 15 would be the most challenging for me, personally, to apply (my mind wanders and I fidget). Rules 2, 5, 7 and 9 resonate the strongest with me, as do each of the "transform" rules. Rule #82 is my favorite and I will be sure to apply it if given the opportunity. Wi...

Once again I find myself on the path to begin my own business. In the past, whenever an idea popped into my head, I would jump into action like BAM. But now I hesitate. Apparently, hesitating is something I have gotten very good at; I have been hesitating for the past three years.  But why? Am I prepared? Yes. Is the idea good? I think so. Is the business regarding something I am passionate about? Definitely. Am I afraid of failure? not really. So why am I stuck? Ben Stein once said: “ So many fail because they don’t get started – they don’t go. They don’t overcome inertia. They don’t begin.” Yeah, yeah, yeah... like my business plan, the words look good on paper. For whatever reason, I seem to have forgotten how to turn ideas into action..... how to get my big, comfortable self out of the rabbit hole and into the world again.

Listening to a 19 year old playing video games, I was shocked to hear frequent use of the word "rape." "He raped me," "I'm gonna rape that (blank),"I'm raping you" ... Since when did it become acceptable to joke about rape? This boy, apparently, has plenty of company. Psychologists from Middlesex University and the University of Surrey conduced a study that discovered, when presented with descriptions of women taken from men’s magazines, and comments about women made by convicted rapists, most people could not distinguish the source of the quotes. The apparent normalization of violent sexism is pretty upsetting. Researching into the affects of music and video games amplifies our concern. So what can be done? We can't change the whole of society. But we can influence our 'circle' beginning with our kids. Talk to your kids. In an informal setting, such as while tossing a ball around or doing a chore together, invite conversa...

I am an active member in a Lutheran church. But I must confess that I no longer subscribe to the creeds we recite. For years I happily parroted the various creeds I had to memorize as a child without a second thought. But, as I got older, the whole notion started to bother me. I say I believe, yet I don't really believe... am I misrepresenting myself? If I do not believe in these particular creeds, what sort of creed would I feel comfortable with? Typing out loud for a moment, maybe the 'perfect creed' would look something like this: I believe it's always good to face the facts. Whatever God happens to be, I am not Him/Her/Them/It. I will seek the best for others as for myself. Not only does it make good evolutionary sense, I'll feel better too. Looks good to me. But Creeds are a tricky thing. While they are usually designed to facilitate peace and unity, historically creeds seem to bring about controversy and division. (The split between the Roman and Eas...

It's interesting how much of 'me' comes from 'me' and how much comes from something else. I'm not making the confession that I lack a spine inasmuch as I confess that I am, like anybody else, a creation of the place and time in which I live. Consider: political systems, ideas about education, concepts of right and wrong; these are all dictated by where I live and when I live. Even how we live our religion out is dictated by here and now (which makes me thankful I was not born 'there' or 'then.') Here is my question: can we transcend this? Can one really become more than just a collection of the opinions/beliefs of others? Or are we nothing more than a creation of the place in time in which we live? The world may never know.

A friend recently invited me to attend a women's Bible study at her church. The women were to use study books written by Dee Brestin, which were said to be about friendship. Since I could always use some more gal-pal time, and a study about friendship sounded good, I signed up. A few weeks into the study, the author delved into the biblical story of Ruth. The author tried to make the point that Ruth, a Moabite, was the one in need of redemption, and that the redemption came in the form of Naomi (since, the author states, Naomi would have been the only believing woman Ruth would have encountered). IOW, Brestin got the story of Ruth backwards! The Horror! Naomi is the one in need of redemption, redemption she did nothing to earn. And that redemption came through the most unlikely source imaginable, a woman from a culture utterly rejected by Naomi's own people. Such a humbling thing; humble and still relevant! No matter how good we might believe ourselves to be, at some poin...

Starting the Advent season, I find that my spirits are more heavy than usual. I feel burdened by life's tasks and weary; more so, I've been feeling guilt over my inability to accomplish enough with my current resources. In other words, I'm knee deep in humanity. It's in moments like this when I can use a reminder of what grace is all about. Like a breath of fresh air: Grace is something you can never get but only be given. There’s no way to earn it or deserve it or bring it about any more than you can deserve the taste of raspberries and cream or earn good looks or bring about your own birth. A crucial eccentricity of the Christian faith is the assertion that people are saved by grace. There’s nothing you have to do. There’s nothing you have to do. There’s nothing you have to do. Inhale..... exhale. Thanks be to God.

I try really hard to work 'grace' into my attitude ..... but that doesn't mean I don't complain. A lot. Truth be told, I've never really noticed how much I complained until I happened upon a fantastic blog written by a woman who made the decision to kick the habit. You can check out the inspiring blog here: http://bit.ly/4bU2Er Perhaps I've never noticed my complaining because, to me, it was just another part of "venting" or even *problem solving.* But it's not. Venting is a release of something, be it air, heat or emotion. So when a person 'vents' s/he releases some sort of tension then forgets about it and moves on. Problem solving , according to Wikipedia, is " mental process and is part of the larger problem process that includes problem finding and problem shaping. Considered the most complex of all intellectual functions, problem solving has been defined as higher-order cognitive process that requires the modulation and co...

A friend of mine, one I've known on such a deep level for more than five years, forwarded an email to me. It was a casting call put out by a reputable agency that read: " LOOKING FOR UNUSUAL & UNCONVENTIONAL POSTMODERN FAMILIES ." Well, okay, I suppose he sent this to me because he finds my household to be unusual and/or unconventional. I suppose some might feel that way, given that I'm a single mom to three. Then again, the kids and I forget that we are a "single parent" household; on the contrary, we feel like an ordinary "normal" and "healthy" family who camps, laughs and struggles the same as any other "normal" and "healthy" family. It has been said that single parenthood has been linked to drug abuse, poor grades and other horrible things; however I cannot verify this as my children bring home A's from school, no one abuses toxins and we do not live off of government assistance. I love my friend and u...

Next Wednesday is "Ash Wednesday" which, as many know, is the first day of Lent. Lent is my favorite season of the Liturgical calendar not because I like to give up chocolate, or fish or whatever it is people like to do without, but because it is the time of the year when we stand closest to what is true. It is the time of the year that begins when my pastor dips his fingers into ash, marks the sign of the cross on my brow and says: "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return" I take a good deal of comfort in those words because they strip away the facades I work so hard to build and they do it with simplicity. From the labels that stoke my ego's fire to the costumes that dictate the roles I choose to play, all removed. And the relief is almost too great to digest. Now if only I can maintain that freedom well into the year to come. Perhaps it might help to meditate upon the words of one of my favorite wordsmiths, T.S. Eliot: Suffer us not to m...

This year I decided to add to the holiday by making our very own Advent calendar using that most wondrous of materials: felt. (I love felt) Gracie assisted by holding my materials down I stitched a little pocket for each day (and admit that by pocket 6, I was wondering what on earth possessed me to want to stitch an Advent calendar in the first place) But after a few days of vigorous stitching, I finished all 24 pockets; here they are: ......now all I need are some stockings to match: (Working on them) :) Peace of the season!

Autumn has always been a favorite season of mine, and it's only natural for me to get out onto a trail and savor the season's offerings. Also, I hike whenever I feel confused as hiking clears the mind. All through the Summer I've been confused about the Yoga class I was teaching at a local Dojo. Deeper than that, I was confused about how I felt about teaching Yoga at all; suffice it to say that, above most other industries, the machine of American Yoga is knee deep in empty promises and worthless ego-feeding spiel. For other areas of business, empty promises do not bother me; however, Yoga is something I care about and believe in. Linda-Sama, from the blog Linda's Yoga Journey, said it best: "Fancy arm balances and pretzel poses no longer impress me. Show me how you live your life and what you can give up for 10 days at a retreat without complaint -- that will show me what you've learned from yoga. Show me your service and gratitude." Though I do not b...

.... don't even think about trying to escape. Yesterday I had a really, REALLY bad day. It was the type of day where you wake up thinking life is good, then half way through realize it's nothing but a steaming pile of unpaid bills gone to collections (with interest.) The type of day that makes you want to sing old blues songs, like: Once I built a tower to the sun, Brick and rivet and lime, Once I built a tower, now it's done, Brother, can you spare a dime? It was the type of day that makes you want to cry out things like 'why me' or 'it's not fair!' And people try to come to you and say things like 'it's okay' or 'one day at a time' or some other pithy phrase that makes you feel like this: And just when I wanted to crawl into a dark pit, cover myself with ashes and dwell in my misery forever, I looked up to see my three kids...... ...and they were d a n c i n g . All three of them were smiling and cutting a rug, wavin...

The Karuk Indians lived in Northern California and were known as the Upper River People. History is not fair; like countless other cultures, the Karuk are now all but forgotten by the masses. The following is from a conversation between two Karuk elders, c: 1900. Translated by Julian Lang; I found it interesting and post it now for your edification: The Old People were following the Ikxareeyavs , the Spirit People , all the time. All the People did the same long ago; whatever the Ikxareeyavs did, the People did. And the things that the Spirit People ate, that was all the Old People ate. That's what they were told, "You must eat this kind of food" So the Spirit People ate salmon and they spooned up acorn soup, eating salmon along with acorn soup. And they ate deermeat. And the Old People claimed that the Spirit People ate two meals a day. And so that's the way the Old People did as well. When the white people came, the Old People said "they are eating food ...

One of the easiest ways to connect with the Earth and her wheel of the year is to eat local foods. There are the obvious benefits to eating locally, such as cutting down on the amount of toxins spewed into our air because the foods do not have to be transported half way around the world. Also, local produce tends to have a fuller, richer flavor having been picked fresh and ripe from the trees. But there are subtle benefits as well. To me, there is something heart-warming about supporting small farms; the act of buying a few apples not only helps a family to earn a living, it somehow offers a connection to my own family history, and the history of all mankind. Working the earth with one's hands and seeing those efforts come to fruition brings satisfaction on a deep, deep level. “ Burn down your cities and leave our farms, and your cities will spring up again as if by magic; but destroy our farms and the grass will grow in the streets of every city in the country. ” - William J...

The bud stands for all things, even for those things that don't flower, for everything flowers from within, of self-blessing; though sometimes it is necessary to re-teach a thing its loveliness, to put a hand on the brow of the flower, and re-tell it in words and in touch, it is lovely until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing. -Galway Kinnell

I decided to celebrate the Spring Equinox by riding my newly repaired beach cruiser to work and back. What a difference it made with my (usually) drab commute.... ... I would have never guessed that the very fields I had zipped by, morning after morning were, in reality, ripe with wildflowers, butterflies and songbirds! As I peddled along I was surrounded by the sweet delicious aroma of life and there was no one around to share it with aside from the egrets, songbirds and fiddlenecks. John Lennon was right; life is what happens when we're busy doing... whatever it is we think we are doing. In any case, I think I'll be taking my bike from now on. mas rica.

A few weeks ago I ordered for a custom waldorf baby doll for my three year old daughter. The doll will be 18" long, have movable arms and legs and be able to wear actual baby clothes. My daughter will love it. Way back in the 70's, when I was a little girl, I would visit my grandma and grandpa on their farm in central California. Their next door neighbor, Mrs. Wilson, would sometimes invite me over -- which I loved, because Mrs. Wilson made dolls and her entire attic was filled with every type of Waldorf-styled doll imaginable. And each one had a name and *story*. It was kid heaven. She even cut out 'kits' for me to sew my own dolls, and while mine never looked as good as hers, the memories make me smile. Waldorf dolls are the perfect toy for any gender. What makes the Waldorf dolls so pleasing for kids is that they are soft and cuddly, and easily lovable. The face is only “suggested” to allow the child to use his/her own imagination as to whether it laughs, c...

Years ago my mother gave me a very lovely ceramic nativity set. She did the glazing herself -- all white with a hint of blue to accent -- it was just beautiful. But over the years, things happened. First baby Jesus went missing (so I put the nativity set out without the Jesus) Then Mary's right hand broke off (so I placed the hand in the empty manger) Then Joseph broke one of his hands off (must have been in honor of Mary) Finally it got to the point where the kids and I decided it was time for a new nativity set. It would have been easy to order some pre-fab Costco set, but the kids and I wanted something unique; something that spoke to us. So I googled and looked and eventually happened across a set on eTsy that was very appealing to me; not only was it handmade and unique, it was also downright cute. Plus the potter will customize your set by sending the characters you want (I strongly considered getting an extra baby Jesus, just in case) Here is my new Nativity set: love...